Why?

As the year started bad luck has always been my shadow. Countless times I have tried and failed, got hurt, jilted, used, and abused. And during those times I ask myself why. Why does it happen to me? Why did I fail? Why am I always the abused? Why do I even care what others think? Why do I blame myself every time? And the questions just goes on and on. As months have passed, I can never find the answers to any of these questions. Instead they grow more and more confusing. I can't stand it anymore. As I contemplate on my own, the more questions pop up on my mind. And once more, "why" is there. I can't seem to shake that question off. No matter how hard I try I always end up with why. Why am I here? I ask myself. Why was I born? Why am I living this life? Why can't I be happy? Why can't I find what makes me happy? Why can't I do what I want? Why must I always follow orders? Why must I be the obedient one? Why must I do as I am told? Why must I do what my parents and relatives want me to do? Why do I always end up regretting everything I do? Why do I feel so guilty? Why do I feel so alone? Why do I feel like I have no life? Why must I be forced to do something I don't want? Why is it that I can never be right? Why is it that I will never be free? Why do I shed these tears? Why do I feel so uneasy all the time? Why do I hurt a lot? Why do I go on and on asking these questions? Why can't I ever find the answers to all of these? WHY??? These are just part of the things I ask myself and never get to answer them. I am not that simple minded enough to be able to answer all these with just one word or two. Nor can I answer them with a yes or a no. Everything around me seems so complicated that I am at a loss. People are just cynics. All of them. Society is crude and evil. Relatives are preying wolves. Family is full of hypocrites. Parents are just pure dictators. I wish I could just vanish from their sight. I wish there was a place I can go where names and titles and power and wealth mean nothing. I am so sick of everything and everyone. I wish I could just blot out the noise from around me so I can think. So many voices surround me in high volumes and high pitches. I can no longer hear my own voice. I have lost myself in the ocean of people teeming with vicious sarcasm,cynicism and idiosyncrasy.