Independence

I always thought that my family depends on me.Not in the financial aspect, but in other ways.I was wrong.They never depended on me at all.They don't even need me anymore.I'm just one burden for them now and it shows.More and more conflicts arise and each and every day there is a dispute among us.I'm so tired of hearing them nag and scold me.My ears are ringing from too much of it.I've been a sheltered fool all my 21 years and I have been ignorant to the real world all this time.I never knew how hard it was to earn a living for yourself and thrive on it for survival.I have come to that realization when I took on a job and endured it,though it was only for a short period of time,but I did learn from it.I realized that standing on your own is definitely hard,perhaps even more.But that is what independence mean,right?To stand on your own without depending on anyone for support.I have been a dependent all this time and its high time that I leave that protective label.I'm no longer a child now,and its about time that I left my sanctuary and deal with the reality.This may be one big step that I might be taking but I am going to abide by it.No matter what it takes.I am certain that they will give a it about me leaving,but I don't care anymore.I am now as determined as ever to turn my back on my family and deal with it.I know that in the long run that I might regret it,but I am willing to accept that fact.I am so tired already of them having to boss me around and run my life.I don't care if they will disinherit me or shun me for life,I will do it.I wont be a pawn anymore to their every whim and will.I will live my life according to my wishes as it should be.I will repay them for whatever they have given me whenever I can.I am thankful that they have given me my life and a good education.I will never forget that fact.And as I am bound by gratitude to them for such things,I will eventually repay that debt.But now,I am going to spread my wings and live my life,no longer caged,but free.

Top 10 careers I want to have

10. Loving and devoted wife to a duke or king - mwahahaha! I shall not accept anything less, unless he is a hot, muscled man knighted or with title and provision for a life of luxury. Given of course that he stays devoted and honest to me and his only fear is of losing me. ;p

9. Mangaka -I have always wanted to be a manga artist, however I am constantly discouraged by my lack of skill to draw but it is still one of my hearts desires that someday I will be able to make a manga of my own, whether it may be for leisure or income, just as long as I make sure that I'm enjoying what I do.

8.Dictator/President-I have always wanted to run a country under my supreme evilness. But I am not one of those greedy little bastards of the government who only loots for themselves. Of course I think of the people whom I will rule over. Provided that they work their asses off, then I shall give fair compensation for them. I will however make certain that they are provided honest jobs, even if it will force me to make jobs that are quite ridiculous to be named just as long as they have one and be able to provide for themselves and their family. And of course I will rule with an iron fist, knuckles, and my entire being and make sure that wrong doers are punished to the core. >=D

7.Multi-billionaire- Well probably most of us dream of being one. I mean who doesn't, right? All the money and power at my beck and call. I will no longer have to work for money but have money work for me. bwahahaha.

6.Explorer- I was just totally amazed by those people in natgeo, discovery channel, and animal planet that I wondered what course did they take to become such experts on those things and just be going on expeditions, digging and exploring to their hearts content and be paid for it. I know it is a dangerous job, but I still think its worth it.

5.Famous writer- Being a devoted book lover, I also want to be able to write marvelous books that would make people fall in love with my work and find solace in them when they are tired from work, out of love, and depressed. I want to be able to share to them a wonderful escape from all the chaos in this world and loose themselves in it even if it is just for a few minutes or hours.

4.World famous Pianist- I have been envious of people who can play the piano. I regret that I was never taught on how to play the piano when I was little, and so I want to learn to play it, make beautiful music and share it to the world.

3.Pirate- Since I read that book I have longed since want to be a pirate. I mean living on edge and be a cut-throat seems just so appealing to me. Looting from the rich and giving to the poor and needy and live my life in carefree and unchained from all the world.

2.Wizard- Ok so this is probably ridiculous and no this is not because of the harry potter movie carze. I want to be one since I watched an anime series of wizards and guilds and all that. Right then and there I decided to become one and join a guild. Provided of course that I find what my magical ability is before hand and become an awesome wizard worthy of the guild i'll be joining.

1. Patissiere- This is my ULTIMATE dream. I love baking so much that I simply want to make sweets and make people love it and feel so happy because of it. I am still way out of the profs league but I'm sure with practice and a lot of effort and love and determination I will succeed. I just know I will. I believe so.

In love once more

It has been three long years and eleven terrorizing months since I fell in love again. Yes, I am in love. I fell in love once again after two successive heart breaks in a year. I thought then that I don't deserve to love again and that maybe 'love' is just a word that means empty. I thought that I have finally become cynical and heartless after such ordeal, but miraculously I have not. My heart began to thump and beat erratically once more. I am once again part of the living, I thought to myself. And it is most definitely wonderful. I am once more floating on milky way and everything seems to be so right again. Oh how wonderful it is to find love once more. A love that is true and honest. One that makes you fall head over heels over and over each day. It seems like an endless garden of roses blooming in spring, full of promises of everlasting happiness. It sounds so dreamy, isn't it? It seems so unbelievable too, that even I could not believe it myself. But it is true. I have found love. I have found my one true love, and I could not believe it. I have been searching for it for so long and I finally found it at long last. It was here with me all along, that love that proves to bring me happiness has been under my nose all this time and I did not see it. But now I have given it notice and I am so blessed by it. My one true love, who could bring me anywhere I wanted and give me my hearts desires, my beloved books. I have found you once more and you gave me the love that I have so longed for. Thank you so much for bringing me back to life. I shall continue to read and read and believe that miracles do happen. I love you my precious Garwood and McNaught collection!!!!;p

Quitting FB

Quitting fb might be the best thing that I will be doing as of now. I want to completely eradicate my account but there doesn't seem to be a way of doing so. So my only choice is to delete every photo and video I may have there and totally not log- in anymore. What I do not understand is why there is no delete button to fb. I mean don't we have the right to remove our account there when we no longer have use for it? I think it has become a bother to me as of now. I do not find it useful anymore and it totally brainwashes everyone with its apps. I want to quit fb. I have my reasons for doing it and I am sure that this time, I won't be regretting it. It is so tidious to be deleting photos of which you were tagged from. Arrrgh!!! I hate it!!! I don't like fb anymore!!! I want to eradicate the whole account but their stupid system won't let me!!! Now I have to go piece by piece to delete everything and I'm so frustrated by doing it already!!!! I am so pissed already!!!! I just want to delete the stupid thing, is that so hard to grant????? I just want my life back!!! Give it back!!!!

Happily ever after

After yesterday's events my life's pages went on track once more. New pages now are beginning to unfold and are once more being written in a different perspective and outlook in life. As the pages of my life start to reveal itself, I begin to live each and everyday of it once more. I couldn't continue to write it then since I was stuck. i got stuck somewhere dark and gloomy that I lost my will and all inspiration to go on with my life. I have been through a lot for the past few days. I was on an emotional roller coaster that my heart could no longer breathe from too much tension and pressure. It was breaking apart piece by piece. I was in so much pain. I thought my heart would burn out from it all. It was at that moment that I realized that I no longer have love left in me, not even for myself. I could not save my own heart from the pain it was undergoing. I could not heal it at all. I was on the brink of giving up. I thought that that was the best option left if I were to rescue what was left of my heart. So I tried my hardest to do it but it was futile. I thought I would just crumble from it all and nobody would notice my disappearance. But when I finally thought that nobody would ever come and save me, someone came and reached out their hands to me and pulled me out from the darkness where I was trapped. I was so thankful to those saving hands. It gave me back my life. And now as a new chapter in my life unravels, I will live it like no other and make sure that this time around I will find my happily ever after.

Road Trip

Today I went road tripping with friends. We went from the review center where we met up with some of our friends who were coming along and bumped into one friend who was not supposed to be coming along at all. But luckily, with her mom's help, she was dragged into coming with us. Tres Bien! My twin came along for the trip after all. So, the day began from there. After they settled their business there, we went to paseo arcenas to buy some goodies for the trip and skedaddled for the road trip. There were just a few of us since most of our pals couldn't come along due to some personal matters and well some just don't seem to have their presence felt these days. There appearance seems to be at a very high cost now a days. Anyway, we had about a two hour trip going to simala to pray for their coming NLE and other personal matters. But first we had a pit stop at Carcar for lunch where we had lechon baboy and 2 litro bottles of pepsi plus ice cream sundae from the all time Filipino fast food chain, Jollibee. We were stuffed to the core from too much intake of junk food and beverage which left us with a full bladder by the time we got to Jollibee that we needed to use the lavatories. Ah, salvation. So with bladders empty and stuffed stomachs, we headed out once more for simala. When we got there, the cameras went hay wire. It was photo shoot after photo shoot and we haven't even prayed yet. Just shows that photo taking was a priority of the trip as well. So they wrote down their prayers and we lit candles and prayed with our own personal intentions in mind. We went to see the image off the blessed virgin and then went down the church to do some exploring and more picture taking. We had a blast there. After simala we had another pit stop at Carar's shoe expo where there was a giant shoe and tons of human sized shoes for everyone. We went from stall to stall to browse and try some shoes on (apparently that's all we did 'cept for 3 of our friends who actually bought sandals). So as they were searching and trying sandals after sandals, some of us sat at the benches and tried to cool down since it was very warm and humid that it makes you sweat like a pig there. So we just chatted all the sweat away and entertained ourselves with trifle chitchats to pass the time while they scavenge for the perfect sandals. After which we had another photo shoot at the giant shoe. Pure awesomeness! And so after the photo shoot with the shoe, we headed back for the city. But apparently we made another detour once more. We went to see the Don Bosco retreat house since it is where they will be staying for their in-house this coming Nov. 12 except for my twin that is, since she will be staying at Good Shephered for her in-house. The place was fantabulous! I wish I had stayed there when I had my in-house, but regrets aside, I still enjoyed my stay at Good Sheepy, even though I had a sudden onset of hoome sickness and went into depression for a week there. But anyway, the view there is great. Some of us took more pictures there once more, while I sat next to my gloomy and frustrated twin after we went exploring the rooms and corridors. And so the day went on and the sun was setting, so we hit the road once more for another site that was not on the plan at all but was based on pure impulse of the moment. This time we headed for SRP to take more pictures and just ingest the beautful scenery for the setting sun. But sadly we missed the sunset, but there was an even more amazing scenery that we just witnessed tonight. It was the rising of the moon. It was magnificent! It simply was breath taking. I was drawn to the beauty of the moon and felt that I have witnessed one of natures wonders. It was the very first time ever that I saw the moon rise, in fact that was the first for all of us. It was totally spectacular. If only we had the right equipment to capture that very moment, it would be precious. But even though we didn't have the right equipment, the scene itself was as precious as anything captured on film. And that was the perfect ending to our lovely and awesome road trip.

Hormonal Invasion

Once more its the time of the month where my hormones happily invade my systems and cause all sorts of havoc inside me. No wonder I had all sorts of emotional disturbances prior to today. That must have been my PMS period where a grace period of 11 days is considered before I went berserk. I have been emotionally disturbed for the past few days where I thought that I must be going crazy from all of it but it has just come to my relief that it was all due to my raging hormones after all. I really thought that all my crying episodes from stress and physical mutilation and disturbance in skin integrity were all going over board. Well I can't really say it did not, 'cause I would be lying to myself, because it was getting way over board for a while there. But now i have discovered that is all due to my invading hormones which I thankfully welcome for its coming. You do not know how happy these hormones bring to you especially when you are in your twenties. Its a welcoming invasion if you know what I mean. And so once more I'm emotionally disturbed and easily aggravated and physically distorted with pimples and body aches. But thankfully I do not suffer from dysmenorrhea like other women, but there is the occasional stomach-crunching pain, though it is very much bearable. It just renders me helpless for a few seconds that's all. No biggie. So feel free o invade hormones! After all its what makes us women, real women. We bleed to death every month and are brought back to life afterward. Mwahahahaha! Happy Holloween!!!! >=D

Crocolandia and go carting fun time

Today I had spent my afternoon with a field trip for kindergartens (namely, us) to crocolandia and ended the day go carting at some play park somewhere in talisay. Though not all of us rode the go carts because 1) it was not what we expected, 2) it does not give us the thrill of adrenalin rush due to its lack in speed, and 3) racing against one another us not allowed. But nonetheless, we enjoyed our day there. We had tons of fun at the play ground thingamagigs. There were kiddie rides that I never knew about, and even after today, I still don't know what they were supposed to be called. hahaha. We let our inner child loose today. The boys had fun at the spinner and 3 of them were so red and dizzy in such a short period of time and then they vented out their unfulfilled adrenalins on the basket ball rings, betting coins on who gets to successfully shoot a ball at the ery tiny hoop. While some of us were at the swings (pure joy), swinging back and forth just so we could get some air. While some were so sweet, dating at the benches. After we satisfied our inner child, we went karaoke singing at the other corner of the play ground. Actually, only two of us sang songs. The mic was broken too, but it did not stop my friends from singing though. It was fun fun fun. Though I'm still clouded, confused and troubled, I felt a bit relieved to have spend time with my old friends. How I wish we could do it again, with even more people the next time. Thank you so much friends, you really are the best.

Insomnia

Ever since I started working as a call center agent, my sleep pattern has never been the same again. From graveyard shift for 2 weeks then suddenly it was am shift for a month and then just recently its graveyard once more and its forever. I don't really mind having a 9-7 shift, but just recently it became a 230-1130 am shift.waaaaaaaaaaaaaa kill me! Now, I'm supposed to be sleeping already but my eyes are wide open. Damn it all. I want to sleep. And NOW. But obviously I'm not. I'm still here ranting and raving on and on about why I am still awake. Do I need to resort to desperate measures such as sleeping drugs to make me sleep?Could I be coming down with a bad case of insomnia? I hope not!Well, I guess I need to get used to this kind of life and schedule. After all, I'll be doing this for quite a while. Gawd, I need to find a much more stable career and work than this. The pay is not so good, the schedule kills, and my sleeping pattern is going hay wire!!!! I need sleep badly. My head is pounding from lack of it. But my body clock does not seem to cooperate very nicely. Guess this is what I get for working at a call center. Oh well. IKEIKEIKE FIGHTING!!!!!

Forbidden fruit

As the sun rises on this very day, I am still bothered by totally guilt-inducing thoughts. I don't know why I keep entertaining them, but I can't seem to stop all together as well. I thought that for a very long time, I have killed and buried my conscience for good. Now it seems to constantly haunt me and kill me in the process. I know it haunts me for a very valid reason and one that I so constantly deny even as of this moment. I can't seem to say NO to anything most recently. I've tried, honestly I have, but still to no avail. I thought that if I learn to say no, I could stop and control these stupid thoughts and desires. But then I later discovered that it was not the magic word that I was looking for. There does not seem to be one at all. So it got me thinking why. There must be a reason why. After all, everything happens for a reason. But what is it exactly? That I can't even answer. All this time I thought that everything must always be RIGHT. It must be to make it look good and pleasing to the eyes of others. But must it always be that way?Does everything have to be RIGHT all the time? I am puzzled as hell by that very thought. But how can anything be so wrong when it feels so right at the same time?Ironic, I know. Cliche, most definitely. But it is a sad reality too. A reality that I want to deny to the highest extent. But denying it does not seem to ease any unstable feelings that I hold within me. Instead, it keeps getting bigger and scarier. I am totally afraid of it. But I cannot deny the fact that I like it as well. It is like the forbidden fruit. It makes you crave for it but you are afraid to take it. And once you do, you can't seem to get enough of it.

Ghosts ang the paranormal

OK, so I have had too much dose of horror movies that would last me a life time of unending nightmares. I'm such a fraddy cat that even slight noises makes me jump. And just when I thought I could escape it at daytime, well I was wrong. There has not been a single day since I started work at our company that no ghost stories were told. I just so happen to have two colleagues that can sense the paranormal and one of them can actually SEE them. Creepy enough that there are no people on our floor at day time coz shift starts at night and ends early morning. So its just us and the house keepers and oh, the ghosts as well. Though I would prefer to think that there is no such thing there but how can I when they can't seem to stop talking about them? Now we go into groups to the lavatory. No one dares to go there alone anymore. Well, aside from the brave hearted ones, which are rarely just onw or two of us. The rest of us, excluding the guys of course, are pure cowards. I wonder if having a third eye is exciting or terrifying. I'm just glad my third eye, if I ever have one that is, is peacefully closed. *whew* I'm sure if it was ever opened, I would be living a nightmare day and night. But it does make me wonder if there really are spirits or paranormal entities there. The hallway to the lavatory IS creepy, I must admit, even without the ghosts or whatever they aare to add to the creepy atmosphere. Maybe its just a figment of my imagination at times, but you do get that feeling that you are being watched. Its like the Hawthorne effect. Gee, I wonder if I'm going crazier by the day. Or are my workmates just too obsessed with paranormal stuffs that they can't seem to let it go. Well I'm sure my two colleagues are not crazy or making up stories. They must have seen and continue to see the so called ghosts roaming around or haunting the girls lavatory. I wonder why they only haunt the girls lavatory though. Why can't they transfer to the boys side of the lavatory?Anyway, regardless of the gender preferences of these paranormal entities, they are a menace to our health. It gives us the nerves all the time and might give us kidney problems to boot. Well, ghosts or no ghosts, as long as they don't do any harm to me then just go ahead with your haunting business. They must be taking calls there too. hahaha. So that's what my work place is. A ghost infested place + people who look like ghosts after shifts. hahahaha

Moving on

It took me three long years and 7 agonizing months to finally break free from a bondage that I self- inflicted upon my unfortunate soulless self. I couldn't believe the hellish escapades that I went through just to gain freedom from my prison. In those long years I have kept my heart in a cage and anchoring it to the person whom I thought I could con myself into loving for all eternity. That was a big lie. A lie I kept telling myself a thousand times. Eternity was a pain. Love is for losers. Bitter is what I am now. But bitter as I am, I am slowly and surely moving on. Not in circles anymore, but straightforward. I'm taking tiny steps in learning to let go of what is GOOD for something BETTER. I know I should have done that a long time ago but I was blinded by stupidity then, to even realize that the BETTER that I was looking for was right there in front of my face, and I let it pass me by. I have lost the opportunity to grab at what was BETTER because I settled for the GOOD. Now, as I move on, free from my prison, I am no longer looking for what is BETTER. I have given up on that because now, BETTER is not enough for someone like me. Now I am looking for what is BEST. I mean, why settle for anything less right? When you can have only the BEST. So right now, I'm no longer putting myself in chains. I am moving head on. It feels way better to have done so. It still stings, I must admit, but the relief I feel right now is beyond the stinging of regret that I feel. So I'm guessing that's a start. Letting go is indeed hard, but acceptance of what is lost, irreplaceable, and unforgettable, is even harder. And I am slowly moving up that ladder of self actualization. Its a long way, but I'm sure enough I can reach it. So goodbye to what was and hello to what is and will be. I'm moving forward, this time, no turning back and no regrets. =)

Instant teen: just add nuts

This is a manga that I bought at one point due to impulse. But I never regretted buying it though. I enjoyed it and even craved for the next volumes of it. hahaha. So as I was saying, this is about a girl named Natsumi Kawashima, a homely 5th grader who instantly turned into a glamour girl just by eating some mysterious nuts. Its full of fun and romance. More like puppy love that developed into true love. This is a 4 volumed manga series that growing elementary schoolers to the child at heart adults would enjoy reading. Its short for a manga series but its worth the read. =)

A month as a call girl

It has been a month since I entered the working world as a call center agent. It has been so far an experience worth trying. I have lived day by day striving and trying my best to cram so much alien info into my already wilted of a brain matter. It was like a walk in the park for the first week even though I was on graveyard shift for the Nth time since I could remember. But I'm not one to complain on that since it pays MORE. Hooray for night diff! And not only that, the extra perks I get from it was worth it. Weight loss was a welcome benefit. Yipee! But all was not just easy breezy came the week after. The next five days was ok. It was bearable for my brain cells. It was the week after that, where all hell broke loose and I feel like I would die from nosebleed. Really. It was like my brain went *poof* and then all was a blurr. I totally couldn't remember what hit me that first day of hell week. I was so drained afterwards. I wanted to quit the next day. But ever since I was forced into taking the board exam last june and due to extenuating circumstances, I'm no longer a quitter. I became a renewed person, desperate and hungry for financial and social stability. Ever since then, my motto in life became "FAILING IS NEVER AN OPTION" from "I DON'T REALLY CARE IF I FAIL". The carefree and free spirited me became a stoic career woman. Since then, "bum life" was a thing of the past. Everything has become hectic, crucial, and deadly for survival. But friends and colleagues make it worth thriving for. Its hell, but it was full of mirth and excitement. Well, hell week will be over soon. Too soon, I'm afraid. Training will be over and the real battle begins on the floor! Heaven help us!

Shoutout for a better future

Why is it that a lot of politicians now a days are all so superficial? They're like hypocrites in sheeps clothing. I hate hearing from the media what they are doing to one another. It just irks me to listen to them wage war among themselves. Have they nothing better to do? Those who rant and rave to the people about what they think is right have no right whatsoever to delude the people with their superstitious crap. They think they are better than the other which they are not. How can they even believe that they are far more better than the one sitting there right now?What exactly have they done that would make they worthy of our trust?Trivial and trifle little things I'm sure. But what they really did was feed off on all of us. Sadly most of us are idiots if not gullibe or naive. We don't really give a damn if those flowery words of milk and honey they promise us is for long term or just temporary. Most people would rather settle for the temporary gratification rather than looking forward for the future. Like I said, most of us are gullible little sheep in the palm of the evil shepherds that is our government leaders. I wonder when our country will ever prosper. Perhaps when all those power-hungry, money grabbers stand down and relinquish their throne, then I'm sure there will be some change. Unless we want to continue being blind and deaf to everything, then there will be no future for us or our motherland. It is sad, but it may be true. So if you want change, make a move, not war or protest, do something worthwhile. Find a job even if it pays little. The effort you make can make a difference. Don't just listen to what others say, try to think about it, see if it would make a difference for everyone and not just yourself. After all, everything starts with some little effort and determination to make a difference with your own hands. So vote wisely this coming election. Don't throw away your right to a better future, for you and for your children and their children's children. Who knows, there might not be any future for them if you callously throw it away for petty money. Believe. Vote wisely. Love your country.

Goodbye

All this time I loved you.
You were my sun,
and I was your moon
forever shining in your shadows.

You were my star,
and I was your loyal stargazer
I kept on reaching for you
because I want to be a star too,
a star that only twinkles for you.

I was a dreamer,
and I guess I will always be.
For you and for me,
I dream of an endless fantasy.
Where happily ever afters came true,
and true love does too.

You once promised me a rose garden,
where love and happiness existed.
You were my Adam and I was your Eve,
forever living in paradise.

I believed in all those things
I thought it was happiness that it brings
But I was sad and confused
it seems that what we have is a constant feud

My tears are constantly falling
and my heart is slowly breaking
I am dying from too much pain
but I kept on believing,
even if there was nothing for me to gain.

Now my world is a complete mess
I feel like a pawn in a chess
playing like there is no tomorrow
only to realize that I am full of sorrow

How can my world be so twisted?
Were we not meant to be fated?
I am so lost now,
I don't think I will be able to give you my everlasting vow.

I love you
I wish you only knew
But like a love that's not meant to be true
It only makes me blue

It was good while it lasted,
but its high time that we separated,
and not let much more time be wasted
for a love that was not meant to be fated.

I'm through playing pretend
its time that I put this to an end.
I love you,
and I will always do,
But I have to say goodbye to you.

The Dreamer

Once when I was young I used to believe in fairy tales. I use to think that I lived in a magical world full of prince and princesses and enchanted forests and magical creatures. It was my dream to find prince charming riding upon his sturdy white stead all shiny and prince like, ready to sweep me off my feet and live happily ever after. Yes, I was a dreamer then and I guess I always will. Up to this point I still hold on to that dream of princes on white horses. I keep on wishing that someday it won't be just a dream, but a reality. There was a time when I thought I could believe in that dream coming true. I thought I have found my prince charming on a white horse. He was glowing brightly like the sun. At one point, I really believed he was my sun. I was so happy then. My happily ever after is finally beginning. It was pure bliss when it started. It felt so good. I had butterflies in my stomach every time I was with him. It felt like paradise for me. I did not want it to end. I was living my dream. Nothing mattered to me back then. It was just me and my prince. But I later discovered that that moment was just temporary. It was not meant to last forever. But, stubborn as I was, I refused to accept reality. And perhaps I still do. My head and heart are still in the clouds. Believing in prince charming. You see, even if life is cruel and harsh, you still find something magical in it. That magic makes life worth living. Even if prince charming is only found in story books, there are real life princes too. They may be not as good and perfect as the ones inside a fairy tale, but they are life savers. They console you, wipe away your tears, offer a shoulder to cry on, make you laugh when your down, and most especially makes you believe that prince charming does exist even in the real world. I have found my prince charming once, but I did not hold on to him. I let him go. Because I realized that prince charming is way out of my bounce, so I'll always be just a dreamer.

A day of nightmares

Have you ever thought that your nightmares will come to haunt you one day? That they meant to give you a warning ahead of time? Most people don't really believe in it nor do they even think about it. But sometimes, certain unexpected events from those nightmares do happen when you least expect them. I never thought that I'd be haunted by them in broad daylight. But I was so wrong. It plagues me every excruciating moment as I sit here and recall everything so vividly in my mind, like a movie reel going on and on without end. I can just see it now, as it happened so early in the morning. I thought I could avoid it, I never even expected it to happen so fast and early as now. I was taking utmost caution to move slowly and surely to prevent anything from happening but I never realized that until it hit me smack on the face. I was so shocked and scared as hell that I stopped the engine automatically and went into nothingness. My legs were frozen from terror and my mind was reeling from the incident. All I could hear was the furious beating of my heart against my rib cage. For a moment I was lost, but something shook me back to reality. It was my father's angry and terrified voice. He was jamming the gear shift like crazy and yelling at me. But I was so numb then that I couldn't understand a word he was saying nor did I get what he was trying to do at that moment. And then all of a sudden I just stomped my foot on the clutch, switched on the engine, and jammed the gear shift into reverse and then forward to move my car to the other side. I was dizzy from all the adrenalin rush that I couldn't think or speak for about 2 seconds. I was clutching the wheel like metallic clamps that were hard to pry off. I took one deep breath and looked back for the car I just hit. Then it was all a blurr. The car was gone, I was in shock and reeling from fear of what just happened. I was so terrified that I was shaking from head to toe and all I could think of is finding that car and apologizing and make amends for what I did. So I waited but the car was nowhere to be found anymore. I was stunned by that realization and the next thing I knew, I was home. And now I'm being tortured by that very scene every passing minute. I feel like I'm going crazy from it. I want it to stop so badly but it keeps on eating me up like a life-sucking entity that won't stop until it devours me. I know I did something wrong, but I tried to make it right, only I wasn't given that chance. I am so scared out of my wits right now and I do not know what else to do. If only I heeded to my nightmare that night, then maybe, just maybe I could have done something to stop it from happening.
You see, road crashes really are very traumatizing. I know that now. This event may serve as a lesson for me, and I will learn from it. I will try not to succumb to its vicious torments, because if I do, I might lose everything. Including my desire to go out of my house.

A day on the road

In our present time, I have witnessed a ton of road crashes and it makes you wonder why that is. Well, if you are a driver then you should know the reason why. A lot of drivers now a days are irresponsible and reckless. They do not know how to follow traffic signs nor do they give way to others on the road. I bet most of them think that they are high and mighty on the road. Well that's just down right wrong. Tons of people litter the road and road sides and being undisciplined on the road could mean the life of a person, or even your own. I as a newbie driver have seen these events and it is frightening just being on the same road as they are even while inside my own car. Three days ago I witnessed a truck and an armored car collide in the reclamation area. The armored truck was hit smack dab at the driver's side and sustained a huge amount of damage. It was horrifying as it was sad to look at. All I could do then was watch and pray for both parties during the collision.
At a glance, it makes you wonder whose fault it was. While most onlookers and passers-by make conclusions as to who was at fault. But you see, in road crashes like this, there is really no who's who, because both parties were at fault. Why is that both are at fault you say? The answer is simple. Both drivers lack discipline. It is a drivers responsibility to have discipline while on the road. It helps prevent road crashes and it can also save a life. So the next time you venture onto the hi-way or whatever road you take, remember to be a responsible driver and think of others. Who knows, the life you might save maybe yours.